A poem from Sara...

Twenty-five miles south of here, lays the Oxnard Plain, extending from Ventura, down to Point Mugu. Along the coast of Oxnard, there are the three little beach communities of Siverstrand, Hollywood Beach, and Oxnard Shores. We lived in the one called, Oxnard Shores. This is pretty much where my daughters were growing up. We had a big house, with no yard. But... a huge beach, and a limitless ocean, just down the street. We even had a huge park with biking and rollerblading trails that led right to the harbor.

They had lot's of good friends there, who also had no yard. I just mention the yard because it is just one in a long list of bad ideas my ex-wife thought I had. And... probably you moms are thinking the same thing. I need a yard. When I was a kid all the action was always out front with the other kids.. From the moment we moved in to the house with no yard, my marriage went down hill fast. No... painfully slow, like over six years...

Personally, I was pretty damn happy. Oxnard can often have perfect waves... There is just something good about walking to the surf from your own house. Oxnard has uncrowded waves.. The people of Oxnard Shores are an electic mix of self employed, surfers, artists, retires, etc... Everyhouse is different. No danger of walking into the wrong house. No day is the same. Everyday was a vacation. It really felt great to live there. A far cry from the predictable suburbia I grew up in. My business was doing great at that time, and I only had to work a three or four days a week. Less in the Summer, More, More, More, at Christmas. Ok.. I'm rambling, but who's reading this anyway???

The point is I spent a lot of time with my kids. It was great! Ride to the park. Go to the harbor for fish and chips. Play in the sand, swingsets, low tide afternoons, jellyfish, even a wayward whale ocaisionally.. I guess I'm saying I was lucky because most Dads, and a lot of Moms, really only get some quality time in the evening and the weekends...

DIVORCE SUCKS!!! I didn't want to get divorced at all. Now I can see that yes.. I am much happier, and she seems to be, most days.. We still fight about the exact same things. So, it's really no different except, I don't live there, and the no sex part. Wait, there was no sex anyway. Divorce... At what cost??? For me, I went from seeing my kids every day, and I mean a lot of quality daytime hours.. To seeing them every other weekend , every other Wednesday, half the vacation time, you know the drill. Now... when you first become a divorced dad. It is pretty sad, everywhere you look you see another seemingly happy couple with kids in tow having the time of their life as a family. The divorced dad, is just trying to figure out what to do to entertain his kids, for the few hours he has them. That leads to lots of movies, the beach, etc.. basically everything fun under the sun. I was very fortunate to meet a woman who also had two kids and we were able to do a lot of "family stuff" together..

Ok, I have got to find away to finish this. I am going nowhere? The past five years with my daughters have been unbelievably great. When they are here, we share a small home with only one tv. The rooms are small, so no one really wants to disapear into their room, they are small, they are good for sleeping period. So, we have been really lucky because, this is the kind of closeness you really can't buy. You can't get it in a 3000 sq ft house with a tv and stereo in every bedroom. Someone's mad.. they go to their room. (that use to be a punishment.. lol) I mean now, rooms, ha, they are fully self-contained in there. I am not just talking about the kids.. Moms, Dads, everyone, would rather just watch what they want, crank they're stereo's, or whatever, talk on the phone, by themselves. It's like a freakin hotel. So maybe... just kill all your TV's except one. Pick a show everyone wants to watch. Eat dinner together. Play a game. "Don't go to your Room" Anybody get it? Well I think all this closeness is what has given me a bond with my kids that is just unbelievable, and hopefully unbreakable.

Of course, they are teenagers now, so it could all blow up in my face. But, I don't think it will. I mean, being a teenagers is freaking hard on you. I wouldn't want to do it again. I love my daughters Kalie, 15, and Sara, 13, more than anything in the world. And it's hard to think something so great, could come out of such a failed realationship, but thank God it did... Thank you, Theresa, and thank you again, for all the parenting you have had to do on your own..

Well... this week as a dad I actually screwed up twice with Kalie. She is almost never mad at me. But yesterday, she called and asked if she could get a ride home early from school from Uncle Mike becasue she felt feverish and sick. I said are you sure? your really sick? or are you just trying to get out of "HELL WEEK"??? (waterpolo team) "Click" Fuck... She has never, ever, lied to me about anything. I am just reflecting to when I was her age and would ditch, leave, fake sickness, anything to aviod school, a test, whatever... If you are lucky enough to have managed to raised a kid who doesn't lie to you... DON'T MAKE THEM START. that's my opinion...

Here's Sara's poem, Both the girls have been having some trouble with mom as of late and I been telling to journal or write down something...

this a poem that i made up sence u told me to rite down wut im thinking....

My name is a dispointment. I only disapoint myself. If i could hold this moment. Keep it away from every1 else. I would live my life the way that no1 did. I would live my life wishing that i wasnt still a kid.... My way of life, the way i act just seems to make them mad. The only person i could ever trust is my one and only dad. He was the one to help me when every thing went wrong. He would alwayz cheer me wen we made up these corney songs. I thot my name was jst a disapointment 2 every1 u see. Untill my dad came a long and told me that he needed me...